In Response to Charlton Heston's Death

I can not claim to be the author of this great work, yet I will not deprive my readers of such genius!  This is the work of a dear friend:

"Let my people go, you damn dirty apes!  You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands!  And can't you see the Soilent Green is people?"

Gun-owners and Jews everywhere mourn the loss of Charlton Heston.  Gun-owning Jews are hit particularly hard.

I you're like Me, you recognize the epoch of his career as his defining performance in Wayne's World II.  Gordon Street?  I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street.  Long time ago, when I was a young man.  Not a day passes that I don't think about her and the promise that I made which  I will always keep.  That one perfect day on Gordon Street.  That's uh, five blocks up, two over.  

Rest in peace, Charlton.  Michael Moore can't hurt you anymore.