Drunk Men and Home Depot

To my readers that do not know me personally (in other words if you accidentally stumbled upon this page and don't know how to navigate away, you are stuck reading what I call my insights) I am 6'1". This serves me very well as it tends to get a lot of attention in most situations. One day I was at Home Depot with a couple of friends. They started bickering for the one hundredth time that day (they were roommates trying to make some decisions about their new apartment). This particular attitude had worn thin on my nerves, so I chose to go elsewhere to look around.

A gentleman (I am using the term VERY loosely) approached me and asked me how tall I was, this is something that happens very often so I thought nothing of it and gave my typical response: "How tall do you think I am?" The reason I respond this way is that I have found people don't always believe me when I say 6'1", they always think I am taller. To avoid arguments, I always find out what they perceive me as first. This particular gentleman did say 6'1" so with great enthusiasm I congratulated him on his correctness. At this point I was done with the conversation and began to walk on. My dear little friend, however, was not done. He followed around the corner and continued to talk to me. He told me how pretty I was and that if I were his wife he would take me dancing. At this I smiled and laughed, and tried to continue on my way. Before I knew it, this short man was dancing with me in the aisle at Home Depot, he smelled of alcohol and he continued to lay on the charm. At about this time my friends called my cell phone to tell me that we were leaving...I was most grateful for the interruption! You never know what you'll get at the Home Depot!

Home On The Range

Well here I am home for the weekend. I love coming home. I am from a small town in Colorado, it surrounded by feed lots on three sides and the wind blows like the dickens (not an English family in the early 1800's blowing as hard as they can). There is just such charm in our one-movie theatre that has exactly two show times, going to the grocery store and knowing everyone you encounter, and of coarse hitting the donut shop with enough people to fill the entire place! Family is just such a fabulous gift...I hope you are enjoying yours or plan to soon!

TGIF

Does anyone else think that perhaps we should give ourselves more of a break. I come home so wiped out on Friday night, all I want to do is sleep. It's hard to be the ultra charming and seductively alluring sex pot you have all come to know and love, after a long day of entertaining 40 8 and 9 year olds. Further more, I do feel that it's hard to have a clear mind when you're sleepy. Whatever, the less sleep the worse your judgment...I guess that just means more fun.

In Response to Charlton Heston's Death

I can not claim to be the author of this great work, yet I will not deprive my readers of such genius!  This is the work of a dear friend:

"Let my people go, you damn dirty apes!  You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands!  And can't you see the Soilent Green is people?"

Gun-owners and Jews everywhere mourn the loss of Charlton Heston.  Gun-owning Jews are hit particularly hard.

I you're like Me, you recognize the epoch of his career as his defining performance in Wayne's World II.  Gordon Street?  I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street.  Long time ago, when I was a young man.  Not a day passes that I don't think about her and the promise that I made which  I will always keep.  That one perfect day on Gordon Street.  That's uh, five blocks up, two over.  

Rest in peace, Charlton.  Michael Moore can't hurt you anymore.