Whatever You Do, Don't Do Meth

Recently my sister and I were driving through Colorado, a beautiful state with many wonderful attributes. As we were enjoying the scenery in the under appreciated plains of the state it came to our attention that the highways have been desecrated by "Say No to Meth" billboards. These aren't your typical "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" billboards either. These are very descriptive billboards that allude to the horrors of prison, prostitution, and other situations you would never expect to be in, yet that's the path that meth leads you down. It's unfortunate that these billboards distract from the landscape, but I know one thing...I'm sure not going to do meth; although, I had made that decision long, long ago so I don't know if the billboards are actually affective or just really disturbing. I'd like to interview a meth user after they've seen the campaign...are they scared straight, or do they just go back to their lives of prison, prostitution, and street walking? I feel like that question is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen and when it does, I'll be there to watch.

Things That Irritate Me

There are a million and a half things that bother me on a fairly regular basis...some of these things are of very little consequence, but I thought I'd share.

Sweat pants

People who tell endless stories about their nieces/nephews (I am sort of guilty of this...I don't tell that many, but it's still irritating I'm sure)

The Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign

Women who don't embrace their femininity

Obligations that feel like obligations

Other people's pets

Dirty dishes in the sink (I still live with roommates)

Muscle shirts

Being too full

Using the 'f' word as a form of comedy...how funny is it that one can swear?

A lack of manners

Soccer

Obama

The entire continent of Africa and anyone with a bleeding heart for it

Having someone speak condescendingly to you.

Socialism

The idea of insurance

The lack of time machines: I was sure by the year 2000 we would have figured out time travel and I would be having adventures very much like those of Micheal J. Fox in Back to the Future.

Art Deco architecture

Southwestern interiors

Reverse racism

Untweezed eyebrows

Being on the bottom of a dog pile with burly men.

Poorly animated cartoons

John Lennon

Americans who are obsessed with Asian culture

Making Mistakes

Depressing music

Losing my keys or cell phone

If you've made it to the bottom of this list you know how to avoid bothering me!

Stretch Pants: The Unjust Hatred of a Comfortable Fashion

Stretch pants have a reputation for being worn only to Wal-Mart. It's a tragedy that this is the case because stretch pants are one of the most comfortable fashions ever. The real problem is, that like skinny jeans, people who should not wear them do. We've all been walking through the aisles of our favorite discount store and seen coming toward us an over-weight woman with faded lime green stretch pants and camel toe. It's frightening and a gross misuse of not only a color that has the potential to be lovely, but a fashion that could do so much for so many. As of late the stretch pant/legging has returned in full force to public acceptability. It's temporary on the fashion cycle, but I will enjoy it while I can and I encourage you to do the same...go forth in comfort.

Ode to the Crack House...Yet Again!

So, here I sit at 1 o'clock in the morning, and across the vacant lot outside my kitchen window sit two men, BBQing in the backyard of the crack house. It is my suspicion that something is going down tonight!

Ode to the Crack House...A Continuation

The crack house just outside my kitchen window has recently gone through some "home improvements". It would seem that as an effort to clean up the act and become more reputable they've changed a few things...don't get so excited, this is no where near the truth. As a matter of fact, the only change is that they've moved the trampoline southeast slightly to make room for their above ground pool. This pool is falling apart at the seams and I'll be very surprised if they can actually put water in it. My greatest concern, however, is that I would prefer not to see the crack-housers swim in it. Bathing suits will be bad enough, but I can't shake the feeling that a romantic skinny dip is part of the ritualistic goings on that I'm all too privy to! I'll keep you posted as to whether I see any flesh.

Her Boobs Don't Need a Bra...She Bought Her Self-Worth!

Although you may have thought I had died or fallen off the face of the earth, I am in full force and on a soap box. It was quite a climb to get atop this particular issue, but here I stand and look down on those around me...it feels good!

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I'm not that pretty and I'm not that smart...what, oh what is a girtl to do?" If so, only moments later you probably came to the conclusion that breast implants were the answer to all your slef love issues. Well, I"m here to tell you that you are in fact, an idiot. First of all, you have now taken the afore mentioned thought and screamed it from the roof top: "HEY, I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF". Secondly, you are choosing to put your body through unnecesaary surgery, pain, recooperation time, pain pills that could become addictive...not worth it. Third, have you thought of how incredibly selfish it is to your future children...think about breast feeding, it's an important bonding experience for mother and child. We have enough ADHD, autistic, video game playing freaks without the complications caused by a lack of breast feeding. And finally, is worth paying ridiculous amounts of money for your vanity? Get a $200 haircut, you'll feel jsut as good and you can repeat thsi process without needing an intervention (Michael Jackson, Cher, Raquel Welch). I'm jsut saying.

Alright, I'm decending my soap box to live among the silicone laden skanks of the world and if after reading this you still choose to augment your breasts to look good in a bathing suit, I will indeed be judging you behind your back and in front of your newly perky bosom.

House Guests and the Joys of Roommates

In general I don't use my blog to complain about stuff in my life, in fact most of the non-sense I put on here has nothing to do with the price of potatoes, tonight though, I have a voice that simply must be heard!

There are many things to remember when you are hosting a house guest. Things like they will need a towel when they shower, or breakfast should be readily available, make sure that you have an extra blanket or two within reach in case they get cold in the night. There are 101 ways to be a fabulous host/hostess and I'm sure that if you looked on Martha Stewart's website (which is amazing by the way) you would get an extensive list of do's and don'ts for house guests. However, let's not forget that there are things that you should do as a house guest to in turn show your gratitude to the poor sap who is housing you.
In the South during the hay day of Plantations and wealthy slave owners house guests would stay for weeks at a time. Knowing some of your friends you can simply imagine what a horror story that could be. Well, to solve the problem of over staying ones welcome, the host would ask the kitchen staff to serve the guest a cold shoulder of meat for dinner. That is in fact where the saying "he gave me the could shoulder" comes from.
As is for everything these days, visits are much quicker than that. However, there does come a point when you might just be tired of your house guest. Tonight, that is the case. My roommate has a friend staying with us. The difference is that my roommate has abandoned said house guest into my care and I have recently found out (as of an hour and a half ago) that this house guest intends to stay yet another night. This house guest was supposed to stay with someone else, but had to stay with us last minute...when your plans are changed last minute and you must impose upon someone else, don't stay for three nights!