Stretch Pants: The Unjust Hatred of a Comfortable Fashion

Stretch pants have a reputation for being worn only to Wal-Mart. It's a tragedy that this is the case because stretch pants are one of the most comfortable fashions ever. The real problem is, that like skinny jeans, people who should not wear them do. We've all been walking through the aisles of our favorite discount store and seen coming toward us an over-weight woman with faded lime green stretch pants and camel toe. It's frightening and a gross misuse of not only a color that has the potential to be lovely, but a fashion that could do so much for so many. As of late the stretch pant/legging has returned in full force to public acceptability. It's temporary on the fashion cycle, but I will enjoy it while I can and I encourage you to do the same...go forth in comfort.

Ode to the Crack House...Yet Again!

So, here I sit at 1 o'clock in the morning, and across the vacant lot outside my kitchen window sit two men, BBQing in the backyard of the crack house. It is my suspicion that something is going down tonight!

Ode to the Crack House...A Continuation

The crack house just outside my kitchen window has recently gone through some "home improvements". It would seem that as an effort to clean up the act and become more reputable they've changed a few things...don't get so excited, this is no where near the truth. As a matter of fact, the only change is that they've moved the trampoline southeast slightly to make room for their above ground pool. This pool is falling apart at the seams and I'll be very surprised if they can actually put water in it. My greatest concern, however, is that I would prefer not to see the crack-housers swim in it. Bathing suits will be bad enough, but I can't shake the feeling that a romantic skinny dip is part of the ritualistic goings on that I'm all too privy to! I'll keep you posted as to whether I see any flesh.

Her Boobs Don't Need a Bra...She Bought Her Self-Worth!

Although you may have thought I had died or fallen off the face of the earth, I am in full force and on a soap box. It was quite a climb to get atop this particular issue, but here I stand and look down on those around me...it feels good!

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I'm not that pretty and I'm not that smart...what, oh what is a girtl to do?" If so, only moments later you probably came to the conclusion that breast implants were the answer to all your slef love issues. Well, I"m here to tell you that you are in fact, an idiot. First of all, you have now taken the afore mentioned thought and screamed it from the roof top: "HEY, I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF". Secondly, you are choosing to put your body through unnecesaary surgery, pain, recooperation time, pain pills that could become addictive...not worth it. Third, have you thought of how incredibly selfish it is to your future children...think about breast feeding, it's an important bonding experience for mother and child. We have enough ADHD, autistic, video game playing freaks without the complications caused by a lack of breast feeding. And finally, is worth paying ridiculous amounts of money for your vanity? Get a $200 haircut, you'll feel jsut as good and you can repeat thsi process without needing an intervention (Michael Jackson, Cher, Raquel Welch). I'm jsut saying.

Alright, I'm decending my soap box to live among the silicone laden skanks of the world and if after reading this you still choose to augment your breasts to look good in a bathing suit, I will indeed be judging you behind your back and in front of your newly perky bosom.

House Guests and the Joys of Roommates

In general I don't use my blog to complain about stuff in my life, in fact most of the non-sense I put on here has nothing to do with the price of potatoes, tonight though, I have a voice that simply must be heard!

There are many things to remember when you are hosting a house guest. Things like they will need a towel when they shower, or breakfast should be readily available, make sure that you have an extra blanket or two within reach in case they get cold in the night. There are 101 ways to be a fabulous host/hostess and I'm sure that if you looked on Martha Stewart's website (which is amazing by the way) you would get an extensive list of do's and don'ts for house guests. However, let's not forget that there are things that you should do as a house guest to in turn show your gratitude to the poor sap who is housing you.
In the South during the hay day of Plantations and wealthy slave owners house guests would stay for weeks at a time. Knowing some of your friends you can simply imagine what a horror story that could be. Well, to solve the problem of over staying ones welcome, the host would ask the kitchen staff to serve the guest a cold shoulder of meat for dinner. That is in fact where the saying "he gave me the could shoulder" comes from.
As is for everything these days, visits are much quicker than that. However, there does come a point when you might just be tired of your house guest. Tonight, that is the case. My roommate has a friend staying with us. The difference is that my roommate has abandoned said house guest into my care and I have recently found out (as of an hour and a half ago) that this house guest intends to stay yet another night. This house guest was supposed to stay with someone else, but had to stay with us last minute...when your plans are changed last minute and you must impose upon someone else, don't stay for three nights!

Ode to the Crack House

So, I live in a lovely newish town house in downtown Houston. To the north is a credible business, to the west are more, newer town homes, to the south older houses, and to the east a crack house. When I look out my large and uncovered kitchen window I see a mustard yellow house that is boarded up, there is an empty lot in front of it and yet another house that is boarded up, this house is light tan. Just east of these two condemned houses is a small brick house...the Crack House. It's interesting to watch the goings on of this little house because sometimes it would seem that things are normal, and sometimes it would not.

The house is small and built of red bricks. There are bars on all of the windows and doors. In the backyard, where they park their no longer working pick up and their everyday car, is a trampoline and several pit bulls. You did in fact read that correctly, several pit bulls. Why would one house need so many rough housing dogs? They sell crack of coarse.

One morning in late November, the police were at the house very early...6 AM early. What would police being doing at some one's home, much less at 6 AM. Domestic violence caused by an argument over a drug deal...it's so simple.

I have no hard evidence to prove my theory, but as I sit hear stealing their unsecured wireless Internet I have to think, that old garage has no car in it...meth lab!

Hockey

I was privileged enough to go to a hockey game last night here in Houston, Texas. Only a few decades ago you would have said to yourself, "How do they even have ice in Houston?" Well, I assure you that we are American and we will indeed find a way to steal Canada's pride and joy...hockey. Actually, I found out last night that hockey is not Canada's national sport, neither is sucking. Their national sport is La Cross, who knew (well, the guy sitting next to me for one.)

Anyway, it is interesting to me that most hockey players look like they should play hockey. You know that I'm almost retarded because I get hit a lot look. It's almost uncanny. I once dated a hockey player, who didn't look like a hockey player. In fact, when he told me that he had played hockey, I thought he was lying, and my bet is...he was probably no good.

At this point I must admit that I may have offended a vendor that works at the Toyota Center. Luckily, I don't care but it is kind of a funny story. She approached our group of 10ish people (I say 10ish because I don't know the exact number, not because I question whether any of us were actually people) and asked if we would like to buy a Breast Cancer Awareness Hockey Puck. I retorted, "I am opposed to Breast Cancer Awareness, so no thank you." She didn't seem amused and the group I was with required an explanation. If you've read my blog, you know that I was speaking the truth, I am against Breast Cancer Awareness and all the pink ribbon hoopla. However, I had said it to shake things up, not offend her. It's kind of like when the people at Target ask if you'd like to save 10% by opening a Target Credit Card. My reply is always "I'm opposed to saving 10% but thank you." You've got to keep people on their toes, that's all I'm saying!

We had amazing seats, 5th row! Although I will point out that at a hockey game every seat is a good seat because they don't open up the top two sections...you know the sections where you could get a nose bleed from the altitude. We were fortunate because not only were there several fights, but there was a team brawl! Thant's right a TEAM brawl! We love it.

I only stayed for 2 periods. I would like to take this opportunity to say that hockey games last WAY too long. There is no reason for the 3rd period and I think that the NHL and other organizations should really rethink their rules. Anyway, I had a great time!